Mandatory Travel Complaints

On plane, euhm.. Sunday?

I have no idea how the timezones and shite work, as a goodly zenned traveler, I will see where I end up and more importantly, when.

Currently Tafkab and I are heading from Heathrow to Sum-something in Thailand. I will find out how the airport is spelled at some time in the near future, but since almost all the actually useful travel-papers (not counting passport and all that) are with Tafkab at the moment and there are several severely de and/or inclined seats between us, I really can’t be bothered.

Mostly because there is plenty of stuff bothering me anyways. Well… plenty, plenty… so far everything I’ve been rather fortunate when it comes to the travel. Dinner at Schiphol, easy flight from there to Heathrow, then a swift coffee for Tafkab and on to the next flight, which I am still on at this point in time.

So as nothing about the travel really annoys me, let’s talk about the people. Because there are some annoyances there, let me tell you about:

Freaky Headphone Guy. Well, he was freaky, and he was constantly wearing headphones. Nothing wrong with either, but there is something annoying about it if you stand SO CLOSE behind me in line that I have no choice but to smell the disgusting smell of disgusting disgustingness that wafts from you but that you think you have cleverly hidden under layers and layers of some hideously cheap scent that by the smell of it you picked up from some equally hideously cheap fling. This guy kept creeping closer and closer to me and Tafkab in any line that we might find ourselves in, clearly intent only n always being in some blind corner right behind us.


What is it with airplanes that ensures that you are always, ALWAYS, annoyed with the person sitting behin, next to or in front of you, without fail? As I have nobody behind me (row before the emergency exit) and nobody immediately next to me (there is a lady one place over, more about her later) there was no choice but to be annoyed by the guy in front of me. Not that I would merely be annoyed about somebody just because of their topographical position vis-à-vis myself, so I’m happy the twat has given me about thirteen hours of annoyance without anybody else having to help. Let me start.

Guy right in front of me likes reclining his seat, but not reclining IN his seat. Very shortly after take off there was an interesting, rather complex sound that those familiar with air-travel will likely recognize. The sound is best spelled *DuuSHHHSHRunnnnCRGKTJSSSiiiiiiieeeee*. In this complex sounds are interwoven at least four sounds. To wit:
-The *Duuuunnnn* sounds of the “fasten seatbelt” signs turning off.
-The *ShhhhhhhhRSH* of the seat in front of me swiftly travelling backwards. This happened so shortly, if not in tune, with the previous sound that I am sure Recline McGee was sitting ready ever since he boarded.
-The *CRGKTJS* sound my kneecap made as it came into unflattering contact with the bloody chair in full swing
And
-he soft, keening *iiiiieee* of a Kevin in pain. If desired, you may imagine a slight rocking motion of the upper body to accompany this, although that off course didn’t happen, as there was no space for it in the suddenly horridly enclosed space.

After this, the man in front of me leans forward. As he still is, a small twelve hours later. So, just so y’all have the situation perfectly in mind, the CHAIR in front of me is almost fully reclined, the MAN in the chair is leaning forward to almost the same angle. At no place do the man’s back and his chair actually meet. Well, I tell a lie, as soon as it was announced that we could see Mt Everest from our side of the plane, he touched his chair. He had to, as he was leaning over it to open MY window, so he could look out at the mountain. His own window he kept safely shut and unused. As such, I can proudly say we passed in sight of the highest mountain peak on the planet (though not the highest mountain, of course) and I have gloriously managed to miss it.


And then, the lady one seat over, in the isle seat on the row where I have the (useless for 85% of the trip) window. She is very nice, a sweetish, elderly lady that looks EXACTLY like somebody’s grandmother should look. The only problem is that she does. Not. Move. Which is ok, I am not a big traveler within plane, but every now and then you need to go to the bathroom, or beg Tafkab the use of his laptop to keep the folks at home updated. And in that situation, I need to climb over her. Over her. And, because the whole row has taken after Recline Mclean-Forward III in front of me, this is not easy. I’m sure I shattered her knee as effectively as the chair shattered mine on the first try, which means I am now kindly guided across her lap in a gesture that is meant both helpful and protective, but it might be misconstrued as some unembarrassed groping.


We are currently getting ready to fly into BKK, and then on to the hotel and to see how late the stores close, as I have selected my new to be purchased camera. So I’m signing off for now, and will be back in a few hours with updates on Bangkok. Contrary to previous information we will be there for three nights instead of the expected (by me) two, so time enough to experience the town.

K.